350 Yo' Mamma Jokes (alphabetized)
- Yo'momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock!
- Yo'momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting.
- Yo'momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL"
- Yo'momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread.
- Yo'momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap!
- Yo'momma like Crazy Eddie: She's practically giving it all away.
- Yo'momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open.
- Yo'momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will.
- Yo'momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her.
- Yo'momma like a Denny's: Open 24 hours.
- Yo'momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
- Yo'momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece.
- Yo'momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in.
- Yo'momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow.
- Yo'momma like a bus: Fifty cents and she's ready to ride!
- Yo'momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.
- Yo'momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
- Yo'momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn.
- Yo'momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods.
- Yo'momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one!
- Yo'momma like a race car: She's always burning rubber.
- Yo'momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country.
- Yo'momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in!
- Yo'momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn.
- Yo'momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up!
- Yo'momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows.
- Yo'momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat.
- Yo'momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away.
- Yo'momma like a stop sign: She's on every corner.
- Yo'momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck.
- Yo'momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar!
- Yo'momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"
- Yo'momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick.
- Yo'momma like mustard: She spreads easy.
- Yo'momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay.
- Yo'momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke!
- Yo'momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece.
- Yo'momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies.
- Yo'momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens.
- Yo'momma so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
- Yo'momma so fat I had to slap her thigh and ride the wave in!
- Yo'momma so fat I had to walk around her and got lost.
- Yo'momma so fat I took her to a dance and the band skipped.
- Yo'momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
- Yo'momma so fat McDonalds has to change their sign every time she eats.
- Yo'momma so fat NASA has a satellite orbiting around her!
- Yo'momma so fat after sex she smokes a turkey!
- Yo'momma so fat at the zoo the elephants started throwing her peanuts!
- Yo'momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
- Yo'momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
- Yo'momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels she strikes oil!
- Yo'momma so fat her big toe got stuck in the catflap.
- Yo'momma so fat her blood type is Ragu!
- Yo'momma so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.
- Yo'momma so fat her butt looks like 2 pigs fightin' over Milkduds.
- Yo'momma so fat her doctor's a grounds keeper.
- Yo'momma so fat her high school picture was an aerial photograph.
- Yo'momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white and chunky!
- Yo'momma so fat her nickname is "damn".
- Yo'momma so fat her picture fell off the wall!
- Yo'momma so fat her tits are in two different time zones.
- Yo'momma so fat her toes bleed when she walks!
- Yo'momma so fat if she weighed 5 more pounds she'd get group insurance.
- Yo'momma so fat if she'd died you'd have to take her out in two trips.
- Yo'momma so fat it say on her driver's license Picture continued on back.
- Yo'momma so fat it takes a forklift to help her stand up.
- Yo'momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass!
- Yo'momma so fat light gets stuck near her.
- Yo'momma so fat mosquitoes see her and scream buffet!
- Yo'momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
- Yo'momma so fat people use her dandruff as quilts.
- Yo'momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
- Yo'momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
- Yo'momma so fat she can smell bacon frying in Canada!
- Yo'momma so fat she can use Mt. Everest for a dildo.
- Yo'momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
- Yo'momma so fat she don't have cellulite she's got cellu-heavy!
- Yo'momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
- Yo'momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
- Yo'momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!
- Yo'momma so fat she gets stuck in her dreams!
- Yo'momma so fat she got a run in her blue jeans.
- Yo'momma so fat she got her baby pictures taken by satellite.
- Yo'momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
- Yo'momma so fat she got hit by a truck and asked Who threw that rock?
- Yo'momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
- Yo'momma so fat she had a run in her jeans!
- Yo'momma so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
- Yo'momma so fat she had stretch marks when she was a virgin.
- Yo'momma so fat she had to get out of bed to roll over.
- Yo'momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
- Yo'momma so fat she has a part-time job as a trampoline!
- Yo'momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
- Yo'momma so fat she has her own area code!
- Yo'momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans.
- Yo'momma so fat she has her own gravity.
- Yo'momma so fat she has more rolls than a Mary Jane truck.
- Yo'momma so fat she has shocks on her toilet seat.
- Yo'momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets!
- Yo'momma so fat she has to go outside to put on deodorant.
- Yo'momma so fat she has to go outside to sit around the house.
- Yo'momma so fat she has to lay down to tie her shoe.
- Yo'momma so fat she has to use hoola-hoops to hold her socks up.
- Yo'momma so fat she hides her goiter with her chin.
- Yo'momma so fat she influences the tides.
- Yo'momma so fat she irons her clothes in the driveway!
- Yo'momma so fat she jumped for joy and got stuck.
- Yo'momma so fat she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
- Yo'momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!
- Yo'momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
- Yo'momma so fat she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up.
- Yo'momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
- Yo'momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
- Yo'momma so fat she shaves her legs with a lawn mower.
- Yo'momma so fat she shows up on radar.
- Yo'momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
- Yo'momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made skidmarks!
- Yo'momma so fat she steps on a scale and it goes one at a time please.
- Yo'momma so fat she takes baths in swimming pools.
- Yo'momma so fat she thinks Church`s Chicken`s a holy place.
- Yo'momma so fat she thinks a balanced meal is a ham in each hand.
- Yo'momma so fat she thought gravy was a beverage.
- Yo'momma so fat she uses a VCR as a beeper!
- Yo'momma so fat she uses a mattress as a maxi-pad.
- Yo'momma so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
- Yo'momma so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
- Yo'momma so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
- Yo'momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
- Yo'momma so fat she uses the freeway as a Slip n' Slide!
- Yo'momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
- Yo'momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship.
- Yo'momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development.
- Yo'momma so fat she wears a microwave for a beeper!
- Yo'momma so fat she wears two watches because she's in two time zones!
- Yo'momma so fat she went to the beach and sold shade!
- Yo'momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!
- Yo'momma so fat she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair.
- Yo'momma so fat she won Miss Bessie the Cow @YEAR@.
- Yo'momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
- Yo'momma so fat she's got her own post code.
- Yo'momma so fat she's got her own zip code!
- Yo'momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
- Yo'momma so fat she's in two time zones at the same time!
- Yo'momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
- Yo'momma so fat she's sits on coal and farts out a diamond.
- Yo'momma so fat she's works in the movies -- as the screen.
- Yo'momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.
- Yo'momma so fat the airline charges her round trip for each flight.
- Yo'momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
- Yo'momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear Caution! Wide Turn.
- Yo'momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
- Yo'momma so fat they invented super extra strength ultra SlimFast.
- Yo'momma so fat they mistake her for a country.
- Yo'momma so fat to her light food means under 4 Tons.
- Yo'momma so fat to lose a few pounds she takes off her girdle.
- Yo'momma so fat when I got on top of her my ears popped.
- Yo'momma so fat when a cop saw her he told her Hey you two break it up!
- Yo'momma so fat when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
- Yo'momma so fat when she bungee jumps she brings down the bridge too.
- Yo'momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight down to hell.
- Yo'momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
- Yo'momma so fat when she falls it measures on the Richter scale!
- Yo'momma so fat when she fell in love she broke it!
- Yo'momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
- Yo'momma so fat when she goes to parties people scream Kool-Aid!
- Yo'momma so fat when she has sex she has to give directions!
- Yo'momma so fat when she has to haul ass it takes two trips!
- Yo'momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
- Yo'momma so fat when she moons people they turn into Werewolves.
- Yo'momma so fat when she puts her foot down she clears rain forests.
- Yo'momma so fat when she sings, it's over!
- Yo'momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
- Yo'momma so fat when she sweats everyone around her wears raincoats!
- Yo'momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th.
- Yo'momma so fat when she turns around its her birthday.
- Yo'momma so fat when she turns around they throw her a welcome-back party.
- Yo'momma so fat when she walks in high heels she strikes oil.
- Yo'momma so fat when she walks she leaves snail tracks....
- Yo'momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
- Yo'momma so fat when she wears her X jacket helicopters try to land.
- Yo'momma so fat when she wears red all the kids scream Koolaid!
- Yo'momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
- Yo'momma so fat when you put her in a Jacuzzi she makes her own gravy!
- Yo'momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
- Yo'momma so fat you can slap her thighs and ride the waves in!
- Yo'momma so fat you can't tell if she is coming or going...
- Yo'momma so fat you couldn't tell where her boobs end and her arms begin.
- Yo'momma so fat you gotta slam her thigh and ride the wave...
- Yo'momma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off of her.
- Yo'momma so fat your family portrait has stretch marks.
- Yo'momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum.
- Yo'momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning.
- Yo'momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!"
- Yo'momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube.
- Yo'momma so short she trips on spit.
- Yo'momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito.
- Yo'momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a' shit wagon!
- Yo'momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left!
- Yo'momma so stupid I saw her standing on an empty bus.
- Yo'momma so stupid her brain cells are on the endangered species list.
- Yo'momma so stupid her brain cells die alone.
- Yo'momma so stupid it take her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- Yo'momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.
- Yo'momma so stupid it take her a half hour to make minute rice.
- Yo'momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.
- Yo'momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hour virus.
- Yo'momma so stupid she asked for a price check at the $1.00 store.
- Yo'momma so stupid she asked for help to use hamburger helper.
- Yo'momma so stupid she asked you what is the number for 911.
- Yo'momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
- Yo'momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
- Yo'momma so stupid she called a 7-11 to ask when they closed!
- Yo'momma so stupid she called the cocaine hot line to order some.
- Yo'momma so stupid she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
- Yo'momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
- Yo'momma so stupid she couldn't read an audio book.
- Yo'momma so stupid she gets lost in thought.
- Yo'momma so stupid she got hit by a cup and told cops she got mugged.
- Yo'momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
- Yo'momma so stupid she got locked in Food Mart and half starved.
- Yo'momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shootout.
- Yo'momma so stupid she got stuck on the escalator for 3 hours.
- Yo'momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl.
- Yo'momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
- Yo'momma so stupid she returned a puzzle complaining it was broken!
- Yo'momma so stupid she sat on a window ledge thinking she'd get framed.
- Yo'momma so stupid she saw a sign that said Wet Floor so she did!
- Yo'momma so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch!
- Yo'momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
- Yo'momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
- Yo'momma so stupid she stole free bread.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought Fleetwood Mac was a new hamburger at McDonalds!
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet!
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought Lionel Riche was a kid with trians.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought O.J. Simpson some kind of fruit juice.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought Taco Bell was where to pay a phone bill.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought a hot meal is stolen food.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund!
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was change.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought innuendo was an Italian suppository.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought manual labor was a Mexican!
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought menopause was a button on the stereo.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on soul Train.
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought socialism means partying!
- Yo'momma so stupid she thought softball was a venereal disease!
- Yo'momma so stupid she took a job cutting grass offshore.
- Yo'momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- Yo'momma so stupid she took a shower and got brain-washed.
- Yo'momma so stupid she took a spoon to the super bowl.
- Yo'momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
- Yo'momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
- Yo'momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide and jumped off the curb.
- Yo'momma so stupid she tried to hang herself with a cordless phone.
- Yo'momma so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
- Yo'momma so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone!
- Yo'momma so stupid she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
- Yo'momma so stupid she went swimming to a car pool.
- Yo'momma so stupid she went to Alpha Beta and asked to buy a vowel.
- Yo'momma so stupid she went to Dodger stadium and drowned in the waves.
- Yo'momma so stupid she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
- Yo'momma so stupid she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
- Yo'momma so stupid she wrote `M, F, sometimes Wed' under "SEX?"
- Yo'momma so stupid when she saw a sign that said Wet Floor she did!
- Yo'momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
- Yo'momma so ugly I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick.
- Yo'momma so ugly I've seen cow pies I'd rather do it with.
- Yo'momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
- Yo'momma so ugly a fly wouldn't sit on her.
- Yo'momma so ugly even rice krispies won't talk to her!
- Yo'momma so ugly her dentist treats her by mail!
- Yo'momma so ugly her doctor is a veterinarian.
- Yo'momma so ugly her face is closed on weekends!
- Yo'momma so ugly her face is like a melted willy.
- Yo'momma so ugly her momma had to be drunk to breast feed her.
- Yo'momma so ugly her nickname is Damn!
- Yo'momma so ugly her vibrator turned limp!
- Yo'momma so ugly if she joined an ugly contest they'd say sorry no.
- Yo'momma so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
- Yo'momma so ugly it looks like she sleeps on a bed of nails face down!
- Yo'momma so ugly not even her Rice Crispies will talk to her!
- Yo'momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
- Yo'momma so ugly she can turn Madusa to stone.
- Yo'momma so ugly she could curdle urine.
- Yo'momma so ugly she could gag a maggot on a gutwagon.
- Yo'momma so ugly she could make a freight train take a gravel road.
- Yo'momma so ugly she could scare a dog off a meat truck.
- Yo'momma so ugly she could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck.
- Yo'momma so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
- Yo'momma so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!
- Yo'momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
- Yo'momma so ugly she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares!
- Yo'momma so ugly she had a face that would sink a thousand ships.
- Yo'momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breast feed it!
- Yo'momma so ugly she has to get her vibrator drunk first.
- Yo'momma so ugly she has to sneak up on a cup of water!
- Yo'momma so ugly she has to sneak up on a hurricane to catch a breeze.
- Yo'momma so ugly she has to sneak up on her mirror.
- Yo'momma so ugly she has to trick or treat over the phone.
- Yo'momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.
- Yo'momma so ugly she just got a job at the airport sniffing for drugs.
- Yo'momma so ugly she looks like a Bulldog licking piss off a thistle.
- Yo'momma so ugly she looks like she's been bobbing for French fries!
- Yo'momma so ugly she looks like the elephant man chewing on a wasp.
- Yo'momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
- Yo'momma so ugly she make my ass pucker.
- Yo'momma so ugly she make onions cry.
- Yo'momma so ugly she practices birth control by leaving the lights on!
- Yo'momma so ugly she puts on her makeup in the dark!
- Yo'momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
- Yo'momma so ugly she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out.
- Yo'momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
- Yo'momma so ugly she walked past a mirror and it exploded.
- Yo'momma so ugly she won't even play with herself!
- Yo'momma so ugly she wore a pork chop to get the dog to play.
- Yo'momma so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
- Yo'momma so ugly she'd scare a buzzard off a gut wagon.
- Yo'momma so ugly she's the cover girl for iodine.
- Yo'momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
- Yo'momma so ugly that when she looks at a glass of milk it turns to cheese.
- Yo'momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life.
- Yo'momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
- Yo'momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
- Yo'momma so ugly the tide won't even take her out.
- Yo'momma so ugly they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
- Yo'momma so ugly they only wanted her feet for the freak show.
- Yo'momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
- Yo'momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
- Yo'momma so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
- Yo'momma so ugly they threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
- Yo'momma so ugly they turn off the cameras when she walks into a bank!
- Yo'momma so ugly they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders!!
- Yo'momma so ugly when I first saw her, my momma was nauseous.
- Yo'momma so ugly when a baby, she was breast fed through a straw!
- Yo'momma so ugly when a child, she had to be fed with a slingshot!
- Yo'momma so ugly when she cries the tears run up her face.
- Yo'momma so ugly when she goes to the beach the tide won't come in!
- Yo'momma so ugly when she sits in the sand the cat tries to bury her.
- Yo'momma so ugly when she walk by the bathroom the toilet flushes.
- Yo'momma so ugly when she walk into a bank they turn the cameras off!
- Yo'momma so ugly when she was born her incubator windows were tinted.
- Yo'momma so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped her momma!
- Yo'momma so ugly when she was born the windows in her incubator were tinted.
- Yo'momma so ugly when she went to jump in the lake the lake jumped back!
- Yo'momma so ugly when you look up ugly in the dictionary it has her picture.
- Yo'momma so ugly yo daddy rather kiss her ass than look in her face.
- Yo'momma so ugly you could tell the face only 'cuz it had ears.
- Yo'momma so ugly zookeepers said thanks for bringin' the bitch back!
- Yo'momma such a wonderful person and we are blessed that God created her.
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