350 Yo' Mamma Jokes (alphabetized)

  1. Yo'momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock!
  2. Yo'momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting.
  3. Yo'momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL"
  4. Yo'momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread.
  5. Yo'momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap!
  6. Yo'momma like Crazy Eddie: She's practically giving it all away.
  7. Yo'momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open.
  8. Yo'momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will.
  9. Yo'momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her.
  10. Yo'momma like a Denny's: Open 24 hours.
  11. Yo'momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
  12. Yo'momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece.
  13. Yo'momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in.
  14. Yo'momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow.
  15. Yo'momma like a bus: Fifty cents and she's ready to ride!
  16. Yo'momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.
  17. Yo'momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
  18. Yo'momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn.
  19. Yo'momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods.
  20. Yo'momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one!
  21. Yo'momma like a race car: She's always burning rubber.
  22. Yo'momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country.
  23. Yo'momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in!
  24. Yo'momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn.
  25. Yo'momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up!
  26. Yo'momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows.
  27. Yo'momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat.
  28. Yo'momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away.
  29. Yo'momma like a stop sign: She's on every corner.
  30. Yo'momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck.
  31. Yo'momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar!
  32. Yo'momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"
  33. Yo'momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick.
  34. Yo'momma like mustard: She spreads easy.
  35. Yo'momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay.
  36. Yo'momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke!
  37. Yo'momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece.
  38. Yo'momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies.
  39. Yo'momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens.
  40. Yo'momma so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
  41. Yo'momma so fat I had to slap her thigh and ride the wave in!
  42. Yo'momma so fat I had to walk around her and got lost.
  43. Yo'momma so fat I took her to a dance and the band skipped.
  44. Yo'momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
  45. Yo'momma so fat McDonalds has to change their sign every time she eats.
  46. Yo'momma so fat NASA has a satellite orbiting around her!
  47. Yo'momma so fat after sex she smokes a turkey!
  48. Yo'momma so fat at the zoo the elephants started throwing her peanuts!
  49. Yo'momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
  50. Yo'momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
  51. Yo'momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels she strikes oil!
  52. Yo'momma so fat her big toe got stuck in the catflap.
  53. Yo'momma so fat her blood type is Ragu!
  54. Yo'momma so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.
  55. Yo'momma so fat her butt looks like 2 pigs fightin' over Milkduds.
  56. Yo'momma so fat her doctor's a grounds keeper.
  57. Yo'momma so fat her high school picture was an aerial photograph.
  58. Yo'momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white and chunky!
  59. Yo'momma so fat her nickname is "damn".
  60. Yo'momma so fat her picture fell off the wall!
  61. Yo'momma so fat her tits are in two different time zones.
  62. Yo'momma so fat her toes bleed when she walks!
  63. Yo'momma so fat if she weighed 5 more pounds she'd get group insurance.
  64. Yo'momma so fat if she'd died you'd have to take her out in two trips.
  65. Yo'momma so fat it say on her driver's license Picture continued on back.
  66. Yo'momma so fat it takes a forklift to help her stand up.
  67. Yo'momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass!
  68. Yo'momma so fat light gets stuck near her.
  69. Yo'momma so fat mosquitoes see her and scream buffet!
  70. Yo'momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
  71. Yo'momma so fat people use her dandruff as quilts.
  72. Yo'momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
  73. Yo'momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
  74. Yo'momma so fat she can smell bacon frying in Canada!
  75. Yo'momma so fat she can use Mt. Everest for a dildo.
  76. Yo'momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
  77. Yo'momma so fat she don't have cellulite she's got cellu-heavy!
  78. Yo'momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
  79. Yo'momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
  80. Yo'momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!
  81. Yo'momma so fat she gets stuck in her dreams!
  82. Yo'momma so fat she got a run in her blue jeans.
  83. Yo'momma so fat she got her baby pictures taken by satellite.
  84. Yo'momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
  85. Yo'momma so fat she got hit by a truck and asked Who threw that rock?
  86. Yo'momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
  87. Yo'momma so fat she had a run in her jeans!
  88. Yo'momma so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
  89. Yo'momma so fat she had stretch marks when she was a virgin.
  90. Yo'momma so fat she had to get out of bed to roll over.
  91. Yo'momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
  92. Yo'momma so fat she has a part-time job as a trampoline!
  93. Yo'momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
  94. Yo'momma so fat she has her own area code!
  95. Yo'momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans.
  96. Yo'momma so fat she has her own gravity.
  97. Yo'momma so fat she has more rolls than a Mary Jane truck.
  98. Yo'momma so fat she has shocks on her toilet seat.
  99. Yo'momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets!
  100. Yo'momma so fat she has to go outside to put on deodorant.
  101. Yo'momma so fat she has to go outside to sit around the house.
  102. Yo'momma so fat she has to lay down to tie her shoe.
  103. Yo'momma so fat she has to use hoola-hoops to hold her socks up.
  104. Yo'momma so fat she hides her goiter with her chin.
  105. Yo'momma so fat she influences the tides.
  106. Yo'momma so fat she irons her clothes in the driveway!
  107. Yo'momma so fat she jumped for joy and got stuck.
  108. Yo'momma so fat she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
  109. Yo'momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!
  110. Yo'momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
  111. Yo'momma so fat she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up.
  112. Yo'momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
  113. Yo'momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
  114. Yo'momma so fat she shaves her legs with a lawn mower.
  115. Yo'momma so fat she shows up on radar.
  116. Yo'momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
  117. Yo'momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made skidmarks!
  118. Yo'momma so fat she steps on a scale and it goes one at a time please.
  119. Yo'momma so fat she takes baths in swimming pools.
  120. Yo'momma so fat she thinks Church`s Chicken`s a holy place.
  121. Yo'momma so fat she thinks a balanced meal is a ham in each hand.
  122. Yo'momma so fat she thought gravy was a beverage.
  123. Yo'momma so fat she uses a VCR as a beeper!
  124. Yo'momma so fat she uses a mattress as a maxi-pad.
  125. Yo'momma so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
  126. Yo'momma so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
  127. Yo'momma so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
  128. Yo'momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
  129. Yo'momma so fat she uses the freeway as a Slip n' Slide!
  130. Yo'momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
  131. Yo'momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship.
  132. Yo'momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development.
  133. Yo'momma so fat she wears a microwave for a beeper!
  134. Yo'momma so fat she wears two watches because she's in two time zones!
  135. Yo'momma so fat she went to the beach and sold shade!
  136. Yo'momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!
  137. Yo'momma so fat she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair.
  138. Yo'momma so fat she won Miss Bessie the Cow @YEAR@.
  139. Yo'momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
  140. Yo'momma so fat she's got her own post code.
  141. Yo'momma so fat she's got her own zip code!
  142. Yo'momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
  143. Yo'momma so fat she's in two time zones at the same time!
  144. Yo'momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
  145. Yo'momma so fat she's sits on coal and farts out a diamond.
  146. Yo'momma so fat she's works in the movies -- as the screen.
  147. Yo'momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.
  148. Yo'momma so fat the airline charges her round trip for each flight.
  149. Yo'momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
  150. Yo'momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear Caution! Wide Turn.
  151. Yo'momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
  152. Yo'momma so fat they invented super extra strength ultra SlimFast.
  153. Yo'momma so fat they mistake her for a country.
  154. Yo'momma so fat to her light food means under 4 Tons.
  155. Yo'momma so fat to lose a few pounds she takes off her girdle.
  156. Yo'momma so fat when I got on top of her my ears popped.
  157. Yo'momma so fat when a cop saw her he told her Hey you two break it up!
  158. Yo'momma so fat when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
  159. Yo'momma so fat when she bungee jumps she brings down the bridge too.
  160. Yo'momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight down to hell.
  161. Yo'momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
  162. Yo'momma so fat when she falls it measures on the Richter scale!
  163. Yo'momma so fat when she fell in love she broke it!
  164. Yo'momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
  165. Yo'momma so fat when she goes to parties people scream Kool-Aid!
  166. Yo'momma so fat when she has sex she has to give directions!
  167. Yo'momma so fat when she has to haul ass it takes two trips!
  168. Yo'momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
  169. Yo'momma so fat when she moons people they turn into Werewolves.
  170. Yo'momma so fat when she puts her foot down she clears rain forests.
  171. Yo'momma so fat when she sings, it's over!
  172. Yo'momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
  173. Yo'momma so fat when she sweats everyone around her wears raincoats!
  174. Yo'momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th.
  175. Yo'momma so fat when she turns around its her birthday.
  176. Yo'momma so fat when she turns around they throw her a welcome-back party.
  177. Yo'momma so fat when she walks in high heels she strikes oil.
  178. Yo'momma so fat when she walks she leaves snail tracks....
  179. Yo'momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
  180. Yo'momma so fat when she wears her X jacket helicopters try to land.
  181. Yo'momma so fat when she wears red all the kids scream Koolaid!
  182. Yo'momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
  183. Yo'momma so fat when you put her in a Jacuzzi she makes her own gravy!
  184. Yo'momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
  185. Yo'momma so fat you can slap her thighs and ride the waves in!
  186. Yo'momma so fat you can't tell if she is coming or going...
  187. Yo'momma so fat you couldn't tell where her boobs end and her arms begin.
  188. Yo'momma so fat you gotta slam her thigh and ride the wave...
  189. Yo'momma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off of her.
  190. Yo'momma so fat your family portrait has stretch marks.
  191. Yo'momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum.
  192. Yo'momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning.
  193. Yo'momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!"
  194. Yo'momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube.
  195. Yo'momma so short she trips on spit.
  196. Yo'momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito.
  197. Yo'momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a' shit wagon!
  198. Yo'momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left!
  199. Yo'momma so stupid I saw her standing on an empty bus.
  200. Yo'momma so stupid her brain cells are on the endangered species list.
  201. Yo'momma so stupid her brain cells die alone.
  202. Yo'momma so stupid it take her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
  203. Yo'momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.
  204. Yo'momma so stupid it take her a half hour to make minute rice.
  205. Yo'momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.
  206. Yo'momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hour virus.
  207. Yo'momma so stupid she asked for a price check at the $1.00 store.
  208. Yo'momma so stupid she asked for help to use hamburger helper.
  209. Yo'momma so stupid she asked you what is the number for 911.
  210. Yo'momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
  211. Yo'momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
  212. Yo'momma so stupid she called a 7-11 to ask when they closed!
  213. Yo'momma so stupid she called the cocaine hot line to order some.
  214. Yo'momma so stupid she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
  215. Yo'momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
  216. Yo'momma so stupid she couldn't read an audio book.
  217. Yo'momma so stupid she gets lost in thought.
  218. Yo'momma so stupid she got hit by a cup and told cops she got mugged.
  219. Yo'momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
  220. Yo'momma so stupid she got locked in Food Mart and half starved.
  221. Yo'momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shootout.
  222. Yo'momma so stupid she got stuck on the escalator for 3 hours.
  223. Yo'momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl.
  224. Yo'momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
  225. Yo'momma so stupid she returned a puzzle complaining it was broken!
  226. Yo'momma so stupid she sat on a window ledge thinking she'd get framed.
  227. Yo'momma so stupid she saw a sign that said Wet Floor so she did!
  228. Yo'momma so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch!
  229. Yo'momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
  230. Yo'momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
  231. Yo'momma so stupid she stole free bread.
  232. Yo'momma so stupid she thought Fleetwood Mac was a new hamburger at McDonalds!
  233. Yo'momma so stupid she thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet!
  234. Yo'momma so stupid she thought Lionel Riche was a kid with trians.
  235. Yo'momma so stupid she thought O.J. Simpson some kind of fruit juice.
  236. Yo'momma so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
  237. Yo'momma so stupid she thought Taco Bell was where to pay a phone bill.
  238. Yo'momma so stupid she thought a hot meal is stolen food.
  239. Yo'momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund!
  240. Yo'momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was change.
  241. Yo'momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.
  242. Yo'momma so stupid she thought innuendo was an Italian suppository.
  243. Yo'momma so stupid she thought manual labor was a Mexican!
  244. Yo'momma so stupid she thought menopause was a button on the stereo.
  245. Yo'momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on soul Train.
  246. Yo'momma so stupid she thought socialism means partying!
  247. Yo'momma so stupid she thought softball was a venereal disease!
  248. Yo'momma so stupid she took a job cutting grass offshore.
  249. Yo'momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
  250. Yo'momma so stupid she took a shower and got brain-washed.
  251. Yo'momma so stupid she took a spoon to the super bowl.
  252. Yo'momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
  253. Yo'momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
  254. Yo'momma so stupid she tried to commit suicide and jumped off the curb.
  255. Yo'momma so stupid she tried to hang herself with a cordless phone.
  256. Yo'momma so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
  257. Yo'momma so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone!
  258. Yo'momma so stupid she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
  259. Yo'momma so stupid she went swimming to a car pool.
  260. Yo'momma so stupid she went to Alpha Beta and asked to buy a vowel.
  261. Yo'momma so stupid she went to Dodger stadium and drowned in the waves.
  262. Yo'momma so stupid she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
  263. Yo'momma so stupid she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
  264. Yo'momma so stupid she wrote `M, F, sometimes Wed' under "SEX?"
  265. Yo'momma so stupid when she saw a sign that said Wet Floor she did!
  266. Yo'momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
  267. Yo'momma so ugly I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick.
  268. Yo'momma so ugly I've seen cow pies I'd rather do it with.
  269. Yo'momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
  270. Yo'momma so ugly a fly wouldn't sit on her.
  271. Yo'momma so ugly even rice krispies won't talk to her!
  272. Yo'momma so ugly her dentist treats her by mail!
  273. Yo'momma so ugly her doctor is a veterinarian.
  274. Yo'momma so ugly her face is closed on weekends!
  275. Yo'momma so ugly her face is like a melted willy.
  276. Yo'momma so ugly her momma had to be drunk to breast feed her.
  277. Yo'momma so ugly her nickname is Damn!
  278. Yo'momma so ugly her vibrator turned limp!
  279. Yo'momma so ugly if she joined an ugly contest they'd say sorry no.
  280. Yo'momma so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
  281. Yo'momma so ugly it looks like she sleeps on a bed of nails face down!
  282. Yo'momma so ugly not even her Rice Crispies will talk to her!
  283. Yo'momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
  284. Yo'momma so ugly she can turn Madusa to stone.
  285. Yo'momma so ugly she could curdle urine.
  286. Yo'momma so ugly she could gag a maggot on a gutwagon.
  287. Yo'momma so ugly she could make a freight train take a gravel road.
  288. Yo'momma so ugly she could scare a dog off a meat truck.
  289. Yo'momma so ugly she could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck.
  290. Yo'momma so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
  291. Yo'momma so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!
  292. Yo'momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
  293. Yo'momma so ugly she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares!
  294. Yo'momma so ugly she had a face that would sink a thousand ships.
  295. Yo'momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breast feed it!
  296. Yo'momma so ugly she has to get her vibrator drunk first.
  297. Yo'momma so ugly she has to sneak up on a cup of water!
  298. Yo'momma so ugly she has to sneak up on a hurricane to catch a breeze.
  299. Yo'momma so ugly she has to sneak up on her mirror.
  300. Yo'momma so ugly she has to trick or treat over the phone.
  301. Yo'momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.
  302. Yo'momma so ugly she just got a job at the airport sniffing for drugs.
  303. Yo'momma so ugly she looks like a Bulldog licking piss off a thistle.
  304. Yo'momma so ugly she looks like she's been bobbing for French fries!
  305. Yo'momma so ugly she looks like the elephant man chewing on a wasp.
  306. Yo'momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
  307. Yo'momma so ugly she make my ass pucker.
  308. Yo'momma so ugly she make onions cry.
  309. Yo'momma so ugly she practices birth control by leaving the lights on!
  310. Yo'momma so ugly she puts on her makeup in the dark!
  311. Yo'momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
  312. Yo'momma so ugly she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out.
  313. Yo'momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
  314. Yo'momma so ugly she walked past a mirror and it exploded.
  315. Yo'momma so ugly she won't even play with herself!
  316. Yo'momma so ugly she wore a pork chop to get the dog to play.
  317. Yo'momma so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
  318. Yo'momma so ugly she'd scare a buzzard off a gut wagon.
  319. Yo'momma so ugly she's the cover girl for iodine.
  320. Yo'momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
  321. Yo'momma so ugly that when she looks at a glass of milk it turns to cheese.
  322. Yo'momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life.
  323. Yo'momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
  324. Yo'momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
  325. Yo'momma so ugly the tide won't even take her out.
  326. Yo'momma so ugly they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
  327. Yo'momma so ugly they only wanted her feet for the freak show.
  328. Yo'momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
  329. Yo'momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
  330. Yo'momma so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
  331. Yo'momma so ugly they threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
  332. Yo'momma so ugly they turn off the cameras when she walks into a bank!
  333. Yo'momma so ugly they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders!!
  334. Yo'momma so ugly when I first saw her, my momma was nauseous.
  335. Yo'momma so ugly when a baby, she was breast fed through a straw!
  336. Yo'momma so ugly when a child, she had to be fed with a slingshot!
  337. Yo'momma so ugly when she cries the tears run up her face.
  338. Yo'momma so ugly when she goes to the beach the tide won't come in!
  339. Yo'momma so ugly when she sits in the sand the cat tries to bury her.
  340. Yo'momma so ugly when she walk by the bathroom the toilet flushes.
  341. Yo'momma so ugly when she walk into a bank they turn the cameras off!
  342. Yo'momma so ugly when she was born her incubator windows were tinted.
  343. Yo'momma so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped her momma!
  344. Yo'momma so ugly when she was born the windows in her incubator were tinted.
  345. Yo'momma so ugly when she went to jump in the lake the lake jumped back!
  346. Yo'momma so ugly when you look up ugly in the dictionary it has her picture.
  347. Yo'momma so ugly yo daddy rather kiss her ass than look in her face.
  348. Yo'momma so ugly you could tell the face only 'cuz it had ears.
  349. Yo'momma so ugly zookeepers said thanks for bringin' the bitch back!
  350. Yo'momma such a wonderful person and we are blessed that God created her.


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